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I was reading through some of my old stuff on facebook today...

before I continue typing this blog however, I want you all to know I agree with you. It's annoying that I can't stop talking about my long gone friendship with Ana and Tyler. I fucking know.
I'm having so much trouble STILL getting over it.
I still think what happened between me and Tyler is stupid.. I really wish he could just talk to me and set things straight with me. He never told me until it was too late that there were things i did that annoyed him...
and with ana, and most recently, lindsey, I did nothing to either of you. It pains me so much that both just left me because of matters that were not their own business. Ana, who said you had to be someone different around me so you could still be my friend? Lindsay, who said you were even a part of this. I mean, i can understand Ana i guess since she's so close with tyler, but wow. You really just came out of the blue.

I'm so sick of these blogs and all the dramatic posts I put on everyone's walls and all that bull shit. I don't know why I keep doing it though.
I'm also really sick of being such a pansy about this. I've been such a little pansy trying to connect again with tyler and ana and it's disgusting. Why do i have to be the one to beg for their friendship back...
This whole thing is so stupid. Tyler really doesn't even have much a reason to dislike me anymore. Any opinion he holds of me is long outdated..
And what's worse is he sits 2 seats behind me in my Economics class now. And i can't just ignore his presense.

well the last outreach I have is to Ana. One day i'm going to try to talk to her at school... i don't know if she'll even listen but I hope she will.

there's so much I regret. But one thing I regret more than anything else, is that I didn't cherish enough the times i spent with my friends last year. I lived so fast last year and way too many friends came and went...
sometimes i miss old times, but at the same time I don't. because at the same time, if i was still friends with tyler and ana then there would be many people i never would have met, and new friendships that would have never come back.

both of you were so shitty to me, but i still want our friendship back more than anything.

ughh fuck my fucking fucked up life.

Performing at school soon

i talked to ms. whatoff the other day about performing some songs at school. And she said yes. awesome! It's going to be just a few Acorn Lad songs and a few covers.

So far i decided i'm gonna play:
"Wisdom Teeth" (Acorn Lad original)
"Shipwrecked" (Acorn Lad original)
"Groupie Without Teh Secks" (Mozart Season)
"Flavor of the Weak" (American Hi-Fi)

that's wierd.. i thought i already had a few more songs down. I guess not.
other songs i'm practicing that i might play:

"Bad Year" (Shook Ones)
"Goodbye, Goodbye" (So They Say)


yeah what the hell. I thought I was practicing way more songs than that. oh well. i guess i'll update it later if i can remember anything

Tyler T-Rex

You know, it was a good friendship. I got to finally got to have a best friend. Sure I've had\have best friends and stuff, but girls and guys best friends is different. Girls its more a brother-sister sort of thing. This was more of a dudebro like "fuck yeahh football" kind of friendship haha. We were only friends for like 4 months before we started growing apart, and like 5 before it was dead. It was a long line of unfortunate mishaps and misunderstandings I guess it could be put. It was a really fun period of time. There was always a random adventure every weekend and there was always something to laugh my ass off about. New years was fucking halarious and it was probably one of the most memorable events of my adolescence. You made me realize it wasn't about conforming to a certain stereotype. I should be the person I want to be and if that happens to be a stereotype, then what fucking ever. Then I got over being scene. Then something was wrong. Apparently there was something I did wrong. You called me out on several occurences of things I did that I didn't even know I did. Some occurrences were months-old events. Why couldn't you have said anything at the time? You said because you didn't want to start a fight. But I guess everything still turned out fine for you. I was completely passive. I apologized for everything. But that didn't do it. We totally drifted, and I saw that. So I tried as best I could to be friendly so we could be good friends again. I guess I did something again. And suddenly overnight you decided not only that we shouldn't be friends, but that we were on bad terms as well. You ignore me almost completely and pay little attention to anything I do to try and reconnect our ties yet again. At least you communicated very briefly with me today. Sorry if I bug the shit out of you by opening my mouth. Sorry if allllllll 3 of my piercings are incredibly offensive to you. Im not destroying my body. That is but your perception. To me it is completely different. I feel that I was born with an outer image that is unlike that of which I feel I am inside, and through expression such as modification I find more of who I am in such. I didn't quit becoming scene because I wanted to be "different". Its because I naturally progressed away from it. Admittedly I do talk down about the scene, and that is my humble error. And I have almost completely remedied that. I am not trying to fit in with anyone or conform to a certain culture and\or stereotype. I am what I feel is right. I like body modification, I like hardcore and extremely heavy music, but I also like classical orchestra, sonata, and opera. I also like to read a lot, and love viewing ancient and contemporary art. I like things that aren't conventional. What stereotype is that? Why don't you tell me since your good at placing labels on people. I have played my role and have given up this cold dispute. You obviously don't want to be friends, and I guess im fine with that. We had a good time, and I guess it ended near the right time. Im still a little pissed we never hit the mountains like we were all gonna do, and we never got to hang near everyday during the summer. We never got to save up and buy those tanks from american apparel we always wanted. You me and rachel were never able to get down in the pit together. We never got to do dual-screaming vox for rock band. We never bought a keyboard and recorded songs for our band Shipwrecked. I know karina or lindsay are gonna say something like "lol bromance" or something like that. And the people reading this calling me gay or "fag" or laugh at me for the hundreth time. Whatever. You were my best friend and you still are. It sucks this had to happen, but im glad this ended without a fight. At least I can still remember junior year fondly instead of the first 12 dreadful years of school that preceeded it. Thanks for teaching me so many things, and giving me a helping hand when I really needed it. I wouldn't be the same person today had I not met you. Im gonna miss almost beating you at super smash bros brawl, or talking your dad and him being tottally fine with us going to parties. It wasn't time wasted. It was time well spent.



but, of course, all this I have just said is only my perception.

Something I've noticed

Something I've really started to notice is that no matter what I do or change in my life, that slowly I'm gravitating back to who I used to be.
I'm not saying who I used to be last year. This is larger scale than that.
I feel like I'm getting back into the things I was into back in 7th and 8th grade. It's so wierd...

Video games are starting to appeal to me again,
I love reading, especially about ancient civilizations,
I'm starting to enjoy anime again,
and even the music I'm listening to now is starting to go back to how it used to be.
I'm starting to listen to old school rock, folk, and metal.
And I feel like I'm not as social as I usually am.
Usually I want to hang with tons of different people everyday all the time.
But now I just kind of like chillin at home or with a few close friends.

Also, I've started to play piano again. I want to learn all my old stuff again.
i'm also getting a guitar too for my birthday. It's in 4 days! You better wish me a happy birthday!

starting over

i've been really stupid lately.

i've been changing so much it's disgusting.
the reason i've been changing so much is because of this like extreme identity crisis i've been having i guess. ahah.
After I got over the 'scene' and lost most of my connections to it, I was a little bit depressed because I didn't really know what direction i wanted to take next. I felt like I wasn't gonna have a future because i didn't really have a dream anymore.

sure i made a bunch of new friends along the way, and lost more than a few.
but that's not really important anymore because holding grudges or that sort is just a waste of time.

wow this blog entry really blows. i'm probably gonna read it later this week and delete it and feel embarrassed i posted it in the first place.


i don't feel that i need to pay attention to stereotypes or conform to anything to be able to live my life.
I don't need to fixate myself on what i hate, and waste my time one-upping everything.
i've been really idiotic lately, in that i've been judging something that i used to be.
i just can't stand those who follow trends and claim they're being soo original.
i may have said i want to be original, and i do. But that's something i won't achieve easily.
i never said i AM original as i am now.
so please, tyler, know your facts. then please judge me.



true friends stab ya in the front