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I was reading through some of my old stuff on facebook today...

before I continue typing this blog however, I want you all to know I agree with you. It's annoying that I can't stop talking about my long gone friendship with Ana and Tyler. I fucking know.
I'm having so much trouble STILL getting over it.
I still think what happened between me and Tyler is stupid.. I really wish he could just talk to me and set things straight with me. He never told me until it was too late that there were things i did that annoyed him...
and with ana, and most recently, lindsey, I did nothing to either of you. It pains me so much that both just left me because of matters that were not their own business. Ana, who said you had to be someone different around me so you could still be my friend? Lindsay, who said you were even a part of this. I mean, i can understand Ana i guess since she's so close with tyler, but wow. You really just came out of the blue.

I'm so sick of these blogs and all the dramatic posts I put on everyone's walls and all that bull shit. I don't know why I keep doing it though.
I'm also really sick of being such a pansy about this. I've been such a little pansy trying to connect again with tyler and ana and it's disgusting. Why do i have to be the one to beg for their friendship back...
This whole thing is so stupid. Tyler really doesn't even have much a reason to dislike me anymore. Any opinion he holds of me is long outdated..
And what's worse is he sits 2 seats behind me in my Economics class now. And i can't just ignore his presense.

well the last outreach I have is to Ana. One day i'm going to try to talk to her at school... i don't know if she'll even listen but I hope she will.

there's so much I regret. But one thing I regret more than anything else, is that I didn't cherish enough the times i spent with my friends last year. I lived so fast last year and way too many friends came and went...
sometimes i miss old times, but at the same time I don't. because at the same time, if i was still friends with tyler and ana then there would be many people i never would have met, and new friendships that would have never come back.

both of you were so shitty to me, but i still want our friendship back more than anything.

ughh fuck my fucking fucked up life.